And the crappy mom of the year award goes to...

ME!! Thank you, thank you. Sorry, but this is how I felt on Mondy. I felt that I am the worst mom in the world. This is not a 'feel sorry for me' comment or a 'dig for compliments' comment...it is just how I felt on Monday. It got off to a crappy start as we didn't get moving quick enough in the morning and were late for Cam's 1 yr appt. All the snow didn't help. I hate packing kids up in the all coats, and boots and mitts to jump to the vehicle and then to a building over and over. But this is what happens when you live in a province that changes seasons every other day. So were went to Cam's appointment and this is the first time ever that I left with the feeling that I wasn't doing a good job as a mother. Apparently Cam is in the 10th percentile for his weight. He weighs less then 20 lbs. I thought he looked chunky enough and seems to be eating endlessly but its not sticking. So now he is on a high fat diet. That means lots of eggs, peanut butter, avocados, gravy, and anything else that most people would have to cut down in their diet. The problem with that is that Cam won't eat these things and I want to eat these things. Good for Cam to eat....not so good for me to eat. I need will power to not eat high fat foods and creativity to get Cam to eat them instead.
The 2nd issue is the Dr. thinks that his one side is weak because he won't/can't roll over from back to front. Seriously. The kid is like a turtle and is stuck if he is on his back. No amount of encouragement will get him to roll over. He also has an unusual way to crawl that doesn't use one of his legs very much. So now he needs to go to a physiotherapist. I am not complaining about taking him to a physiotherapist, as obviously if there is something wrong then we need to do whatever needs to be done to fix it. But I don't agree that his muscles are weak, I just think that he doesn't want to roll over and has a unique way of getting around. But we will see what the physiotherapist says.
The third issue is his sleep habits. Cam has never slept through the night. He still wakes up 3-5 times EVERY night. Sometimes it takes 3 mins to get him back to sleep and sometimes 1 1/2 hours to get him back to sleep. It is really starting to wear on all of us, him included. So I have decided to quit nursing. I have basically quit anyways, but still nursed him when he wakes up in the night. Hence the problem...cuz he is probably just getting up for this. But it is so hard to quit when I know what he wants and it gets me what I want -- to go back to bed. (I know some of you are thinking who is the boss in this house??!!)
The fourth issue was alarming, but not anything to really freak out about. The diaper rash he has is really chicken pox as a result of his immunizations. They are not contagious, just a reaction but I freaked out because we have been around an extra amount of people in close proximity lately. No worries...no one is getting the chicken pox from us!!
So this is what I got dealt to me in less then 10 minutes. I left feeling that I had failed my son and am a horrible parent. We get in the truck, grab some grub and head home. We carry on with the day with me thinking about everything I need to do differently and how I was going to be a better parent and so on when Lexie decides to have a major meltdown. After screaming and crying she shouts "You are just a bad mom!" and runs away. I was devastated. I DO understand that she probably had no idea what she was saying and that she is just 3 yrs old with high emotions but it hit me so hard. I told her that I do the best that I can and she said she was sorry and said she would do the best that she could and it was all good.
Here is the happy ending to my story...yes there is a happy ending!! So when Keith came home that night, we put the kids to bed and had a really long chat. We decided that it was Keith's turn to get up with Cam from now on and see if we can work this sleep issue out. This is a first for Keith to get up with either of the kids, being the outside the home worker in our family. Cam woke up at his usual 12:30am time and Keith was so patient. (Of course, I was awake as I am trained to hear his every movement). He went to him every 10-15 min and talked to him and tried to soothe him. (Advice from the sleep program I tried out several months ago.) After Cam crying for over an hour and a bit, which sounds terrible but had to be done, he finally slept until 6:30am. I got up with him thinking that he probably needed a drink but had to listen to what I am sure was a nasty lecture from a very upset Cameron. He did get over it though! So the next night we had the same plan but this time Cam slept until 4:30am and then put HIMSELF back to sleep before Keith could even get up. He slept until 7:30am. And then last night......get this......Cameron Blake Dyck slept from 7:30pm to 6:30am!!!!!!! YEAH FOR ALL OF US!!!!! So proud of our little guy. He also decided yesterday that he is going to walk now. He toodles all over and is so very pleased with himself. (Evidence that his muscles shouldn't be weak, as he walks just perfectly as a new walker can!). Oh...and the spots are gone. We just have to work on the weight thing.
You probably didn't need to hear all of the details but this was good venting for me and Lexie told me she loved me before she went to bed tonight and added that she is excited for "whatever my good mommy" (that's me!!) will do with her and her Cam the Man tomorrow. This is just another reason why I love having kids...they just know the exact thing to say to make your day complete. So....I now will give trade in my 'Crappy mom of the year award' for the 'Doing the best that I Can' award!! Thank you, thank you....I owe it all to my family! :)